yostrov: (Autor)
[personal profile] yostrov
 Обращаюсь за помощью к грамотным людям. Сделал перевод этого рассказа, постарался сократить - мне выделили 7 минут для выступления. Буду благодарен за указание на ошибки. 

Twice a week from 10 to 11 a.m. Thomas walked in the park. As a project coordinator he listened a conference call. Tatiana ran at the same time. Thomas liked when a beautiful blonde past him.

Suddenly Thomas heard a loud, disgusting whistle: participants switched on the speakerphone. Thomas jerked the bluetooth off his ear and pushed his hand away. Overtaking him at this moment Tatiana jumped aside and fell. Thomas stopped and asked:
"May I help you? Should I call 911?"
"I'm all right, thank you. You can go."
"I can’t leave you like that! Can you stand up?"
Tatiana could not get up by herself, Thomas helped. It seems that her leg was dislocated or even broken.
"I live in this apartment complex, just in few yards, can you help me get there?"
"Let me call the ambulance!"
"No. You can help me or I'll go myself."

Tanya lean on the man's shoulder and screaming in pain. Without asking permission, Tom picked up the girl and carried. In the apartment he put Tatiana in a chair. The girl took phone and called.
"Hi, can you come home right now?"
...
"Yes, happened: I injured my leg when I ran in the park, it hurts very much."

Thomas realized that the girl spoke Russian
"The doctor will be here soon, everything will be fine, thank you!"
"We must stop the blood, it can’t wait."
"I do not have any first-aid kit..."

Thomas went to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and took out a bottle of vodka.
"How did you know that I have vodka in my fridge?"
"I heard you speak Russian, and all Russians always have vodka."
"We've never had any vodka! First time guests left a week ago..."
Thomas moistened the towel with vodka and confidently washed the scratches.
Tatiana wanted to drink vodka, but she did not ask, so as not to lower the honor of Russian ladies in the eyes of an American.
“Do not ask for vodka, but I will not give it anyway. The doctor will prescribe medications, alcohol will be a problem.”
“You can drink everything yourself: I do not drink vodka at all!”
Thomas looked at the girl, then at the bottle, again at Tanya ... and took a few big sips from the neck.
“Ty Russkiy?” - In Russian asked the amazed girl.
"Net, Ya Amerikanskiy!" - Also in Russian answered Thomas and continued in English - “I have a Russian colleague, Jack, he taught. My name is Thomas.”

A few minutes later another blonde, looks like Tatiana, burst into the apartment.
"What did you do to my sister?"
“Marina, everything is fine with me, do not shout like that!” came a voice from the bathroom. "This is my new friend Thomas."
“Do I have to say very nice to meet you? Stay here, we'll talk later.”
Marina grabbed her bag and jumped into the bathroom. In a few minutes she come out.

"My sister asked you to take her to the bedroom. Can you? Do you need my help?”
“I can handle it.”
The American was surprised that the leg of the patient was painted with green paint and not tied.
"Is Marina really a doctor?"
"She's studying for a doctor and working in a hospital. Do not worry, I just have a slight dislocation, but I really can not stand up on my leg ...”

Marina asked Thomas to the hall.
“I gave a strong anesthetic and sleeping pills, she will soon fall asleep, but I need to return to work urgently. Sister for some reason is sure that you can be trusted. Can you sit here for a few minutes?”
“Yes, sure!”
"Do you promise to be a gentleman?"
“Yes, I do”

“Do not take offense at Marina, she worries about me too much. I usually do not trust other people either, but we have been meeting for half a year: I ran past you in the park.”
"I was sure that you did not notice me!"
"Did you notice me?"
“Of course!"
"Would you like to question me under the "truth drug"? Marina said that because of the drugs I can not control myself. Only she promised that I would immediately fall asleep and will not have time to do anything stupid, but I don’t feel slippy.”
“It seems that there is another choice in front of me: close my ears or not.”

Tatiana began to talk about her parents, her childhood, then many more things ... But almost immediately she switched to Russian and Thomas did not understand anything at all. He considered to turn on the recorder and then ask Jack to translate, but decided that it would not be gentlemanly.
In a few hours Marina found a man beside a quietly sleeping girl holding her hand in his. Soon they sat in the kitchen and ate pizza.
"Why are Tatiana and you so against going to the hospital?"
“She is illegally in the country and lives by my documents.”
“How is it possible?”
“In addition to the driver's license, I took a state ID. In the photo we can not be distinguished, she use my social security number. But hospital will be a problem.”
"Why are you telling me all this? What if I'm a policeman?”
“If you were a dumb cop, you would call 911 immediately, and did not drag Tanya yourself. If I have entrusted my sister to you in an unconscious state, then I can trust you with everything. This is a mysterious soul for Russians.”

The next day, Tatiana called Thomas:
“Can you come to my place for the lunch? I'll cook.”
“Well, I'll be there at 12:05, I'm not far to go!”

The man was waiting for a very appetizing scrambled eggs with bacon and pickles.
"This it? What else can you make?"
"I escaped to America so as not to work in the kitchen, but if you married me I will learn!"
"Are you seriously proposing to me?"
"No, I'm still under the influence of the drugs. Anyway, legally, I can only get married in Russia.
“And how did you come into the US?”
“From Mexico, using Marina’s passport. Her friend drove me across the border.”

In a few months they went to Moscow thue Mexico. Jack, the best man at the wedding, flew in a direct flight.

They were waiting for an US visa almost a year. Thomas, during phone conferences, was walking in the Moscow park, and the young wife was learning from her mother how to cook tasty and varied. The American liked to live in Moscow: more cheerful and cheaper, but the wife insisted on returning to America. A child conceived in Russia was born in the USA.



Date: 2017-10-06 08:23 pm (UTC)
juan_gandhi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] juan_gandhi
listened to a conference call
Tatiana ran at the same time -> Tatiana ran at the same time almost every day
Thomas liked when -> Thomas liked it when
blonde past him -> blonde passed him

(in short: don't. read Hemingway. read Austen, Shakespeare, F.S.Fitzgerald, Danielle Steele. It's too early for you to write in English.)

Date: 2017-10-07 12:02 am (UTC)
yury: (Default)
From: [personal profile] yury
Увы, я согласен.
Слишком много всего, в каждом предложении.

Date: 2017-10-07 12:07 am (UTC)
juan_gandhi: (Default)
From: [personal profile] juan_gandhi
Да, я на иные свои английские тексты поглядываю с тоскою.

Date: 2017-10-07 06:29 am (UTC)
cathay_stray: (Default)
From: [personal profile] cathay_stray
I believe Tatiana used to jog rather than ran.
Better even, was jogging. Тут есть некоторое противоречие, тк continuous чаще всего НЕ используется когда речь о регулярно повторяющихся событиях, но что-то мне подсказывает, что именно тут - можно.
Thomas listened _to_ a call. К тому же, создаётся впечатление, что он два раза в неделю всякий раз участвовал в этом конфколле - такое тоже бывает, но тогда he used to walk while listening to a call.
Продолжение воспоследует. Сейчас некогда читать.
Edited Date: 2017-10-07 06:29 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-10-07 08:05 am (UTC)
cathay_stray: (Default)
From: [personal profile] cathay_stray
Ой. Тут легче переписать, чем выправить, серьёзно.

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