Речь

Sep. 25th, 2015 10:37 am
yostrov: (Uncle Sam)
[personal profile] yostrov
Написал очередную речь для выступления в клубе болтунов. У кого есть желание почитать-проверить?
Текст под катом, оригинал тут: За мафию или почему я хожу в синагогу


In a few days after I move to the United States I  went to the English as a Second Language School which was organized by local Jewish nonprofit organization During classes rebay visited our school and asked everyone who is available next Monday to go to the court in downtown Chicago to support 18 years old girl who is member of his synagogue. She moved to the United States few months ago and after our school she was admitted in Community College in downtown Chicago Truman college. She bought car which looks very expensive, but had a salvage title.

One night after classes she drove out of the college gate and young man on the bike jump in front of her car. Girl was able to stop 1 inch before hitting the boy but he showed scratches on his body and the bike and ask to pay $1,000 in cash to avoid calling police.  Smart girl rejected this offer and called 911 & insurance company. Police officer was high level professional and experienced: he saw this situation before, on this spot as well. He rejected to press any charges against the girl and did not gave her a ticket. Anyway, in a few days she have got a call from her insurance company: boy asked for a few thousand dollars for his medical bills, pain and suffering. Insurance company rejected fraudulent case  and decide to go to court. Company hired a lawyer, agreed to  pay all legal fees. The girl should not be afraid of any problem but she must testify in court as a witness.

Courtroom splitted on the two parts for defendant and the plaintiff. he plaintiff part would be filled by his supporters for sure: the fraud mafia has a special mob for this kind of actions. As rebay tell us, we cannot our girl to be alone in this room. The synagog will organise carpool, provide transportation, but most of the members of the congregation can’t visit court during business hours.



It is very good to have spouse and a few kids, BFF and few friends but someday we may need tens of supporters to feel the courtroom in our support does not matter are we guilty or not.  The best way to get this kind of support for non public person is to join religion organisation. I would like to encourage you to get our of your shell and join church, mosque or Toastmaster international club. But do not join any type of mafia!

Date: 2015-09-25 03:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] by-romeo9.livejournal.com
Заметил пару ошибок) а так норм

Date: 2015-09-25 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yostrov.livejournal.com
Я без бумажки говорить буду., орфографические ошибки не имеют значения

Date: 2015-09-25 04:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] marinaiv.livejournal.com
Поучительная история )

Date: 2015-09-25 04:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yatur.livejournal.com
Времена. Артикли. Косвенная речь. Впрочем, если без бумажки, то это не столь существенно. Не претендую на совершенство, но...

A few days after I moved to the United States, I went to the English as a Second Language School, which was organized by a local Jewish nonprofit organization. During the classes a rabbi visited our school and asked everyone whether they would be available next Monday to go to Court in downtown Chicago to support an 18 years old girl who was a member of his synagogue. She had moved to the United States a few months before, and after graduating from our school she was admitted to a Community College in downtown Chicago, the Truman college. She bought a car that looked very expensive, but had a salvage title.

One night after classes she drove out of the college gate and a young man on a bike jumped in front of her car.
Edited Date: 2015-09-25 04:26 pm (UTC)

Date: 2015-09-25 05:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yostrov.livejournal.com
Спасибо!
Мне уже делали замечание за артикли, времена тоже важны.

Date: 2015-09-25 10:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] virtu-ella.livejournal.com
Я бы так исправила:
A few days after I had moved to the United States, I went to...

Date: 2015-09-26 05:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yatur.livejournal.com
Я тоже об этом думал, но посчитал, что это необязательно. Без "had" часто говорят. А вот когда про девушку речь идет, получается прошедшее в прошедшем, и тут уж без перфекта никак.

Date: 2015-09-25 10:13 pm (UTC)
dennisgorelik: 2020-06-13 in my home office (Default)
From: [personal profile] dennisgorelik
1) "rebay" -> "Rabbi"
2) "who is member" -> "who is a member"
3) "she was admitted in Community College" -> "she was admitted in Community College"
4) "As rebay tell us, we cannot our girl to be alone" -> "The Rabbi told us that we cannot let our girl to be alone".

Date: 2015-09-25 10:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yostrov.livejournal.com
Рабби и Ребай - две разницы. Ребай - должность руководителя синагоги, а Рабби - учитель.

пункт 3 до меня не дошел

Date: 2015-09-25 10:34 pm (UTC)
dennisgorelik: 2020-06-13 in my home office (Default)
From: [personal profile] dennisgorelik
Oops:
3) "she was admitted in Community College" -> "she was admitted to Community College"

Date: 2015-09-25 10:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yostrov.livejournal.com
Дошло. Спасибо!

Date: 2015-10-02 12:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaptain-nemo.livejournal.com
Сейчас скопирую, расскажу как топик на занятии. Может вам заказывать топики, нам каждую неделю задают?

Date: 2015-10-02 03:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yostrov.livejournal.com
Пивом угостишь - тогда заказывай :)

Date: 2015-10-02 06:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaptain-nemo.livejournal.com
Подумаю)

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